Herein, The Aleagle Perspective presents an interesting, if somewhat caustic,  view of some recent developments and anomalogies in our legal system as well as other important "stuff".   It views our oxymoronic legal system in all its majesty and power - as well as its absurdity.

William Shakespeare's oft quoted passage from Henry VI, Part Two - "First, we kill all the lawyers" - is only part of the original quote (so shows my extensive independent research).  Just like Columbus' fourth ship (you know, the one that went over the edge), the second part of the Henry VI, Part Two quote was lost from the original manuscript.  I proffer that the original quote was (or should have been):   "First, we kill all the lawyers; then we resort to killing ourselves."

Like it or not, we are a land of laws, and without them, society itself would cease to flourish.  Without laws controlling behavior, anarchy would result, and instead of righteousness and morality prevailing (maybe not in abundance, but nevertheless prevailing), evil and injustice would maintain.  The weak would be subdued by the strong, the strong subdued by the rich, and the rich subdued by the sly - in a never-ending cycle of grief, pain and injustice.  It is the law - and only the law - which prevents this from happening, and if, perchance, an occasional absurdity occurs - we must learn to live with it.  For in the end, we all prosper, we are all protected and we are all the better for our "imperfect" legal system.

Don't forget - The Lady can be a comedian!  Lady Justice (as represented by the Aleagle logo), while providing us with a sturdy  foundation upon which our orderly society is premised, also provides us with humor, farce and irony.

Since The Aleagle Perspective is designed for the non-lawyer, you won't find this section getting bogged down in legaleze, or concentrating on the intricate detail of the law.  This section is more of a macrocosm than a microcosm - a gross review, if you will - of our changing laws and their effect on the laeity.

The import of this section is to bring to the fore recent changes in decisional and legislative law and the effects thereof on our lives; further,  to invite your opinions thereon.  Don't forget, as far as The Aleagle Perspective is concerned, your opinions are as valuable as those of Ronald M. George (the Chief Justice of the California Supreme Court), so - praise if you will - vent if you must. [Feedback]

Legal Anomalies

Stephen Yagman, the "gadfly" of the American justice system, representing a Montana lawyer who claimed he was roughed up in a North Hollywood sex shop (while buffing the bishop), Yagman contends that the right to masturbate is "enshrined in the Constitution" (verbatim).  A former graduate of the Fullerton, CA, institute of higher learning, Western State College of Law, Joseph Frank Nacimento moved to Helena, Mt., where, presumably, men are men and "sheep are nervous!"

The victory was handed  to the government!

In a clearly failed attempt to render justice, and justify its existence, a special masters commission (experts appointed or hired to render an opinion) in Placer County has determined that a judge who grabbed the breasts of his female bailiff was not acting in an "official capacity".  Although the same judge had been previously accused of rubbing his groin against the "buttock" of his female clerk for sexual pleasure and making kissing sounds toward his female court staff, the masters determined that he was acting unofficially while doing so. 

It gives one pause to consider of what "official fondling" would consist.

Fortunately for all Placerians, the newly appointed presiding judge banned the offending judge from the courthouse.  Caveat to all those walking in the general area of the Placer County courthouse!

In a recent federal appeals case, the court upheld a $245,000 judgment in favor of three youths (two black, one white) who were stopped by Torrance police officers, and, while in the course of their search, had their genitals squeezed.  Their attorney argued, "The upshot of this case is that after [Torrance police officers] rousted these kids at gunpoint, squeezed their testicles and searched the car without permission, the only thing they found was a calculus book, which is still not a crime in California ..."

Citing oxymoronic labeling as an example of the "personal injury lawyer/court complex conspiracy" getting unjustly enriched while eroding personal responsibility, the following labels are found abundant in our society:

This label found on clothing - "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

This warning found on a 13-inch wheelbarrow tire - "Not for highway use."

This warning found on a bathroom heater - "This product not to be used to heat bathrooms."

[Maybe there's a "Monthly Musings" column in here somewhere!]

An inmate at the Whatcom County jail in Bellingham, WA, has been accused of smuggling pot into his cell - in his artificial limbs!  The prosthetic arm and prosthetic leg of Morris were found to contain the controlled substance after jail deputies noticed a "funny smell" after he returned from medical treatment.

A 70-year-old Riverside woman has been convicted of hiring a one-armed man to murder her son-in-law.  I don't believe F. Lee was on this case, though.

It has been reported that Heidi Fleiss ("The Hollywood Madam") - convicted of pandering in connection with a call-girl ring reputedly serving the Hollywood elite - is suing E! Entertainment TV for defamation in relation to it "True Hollywood Story" about her life.

If I'm not mistaken, truth is an absolute defense to defamation!  Good Luck!

Having been previously sentenced by a federal judge for bilking his clients out of $4.5 million, an attorney disregarded the judge's order of "house arrest" and defiantly went to a New Years' Eve party.  The cost?  More time added onto his 41-month sentence.

In what can only be referenced as a "truly stupid" statement, Gov. Gray Davis stated that his judicial appointments need to to either follow his political lead on issues or they should resign from office.

This opinion was not far from the mark of his previous statement that State Legislators should "...implement my vision."

It appears as though the Guv was asleep when his class studied the separation of powers provisions of both our State and U.S. Constitutions!

*  *  *

On the heels of this story (don't forget, you heard it here first), Bar Associations and the Judiciary alike have lambasted the Guv for his off-handed and ill-thought-out remark!

Not only is it hard to distinguish between art and the law, but it is also difficult to determine which determines which (ahh! Herein lies a good subject for Monthly Musings!).

In a chicken-and-egg scenario, the Los Angeles Daily Journal (the legal newspaper of the Southland) has begun to report on the comings and goings of such repositories of legal academia as Ally McBeal, The Practice, Family Law and the like - and more recently, the spectacularly and sartorially splendored Erin Brockovich!

There is a lesson here for all attorneys ... but I'm not exactly sure whether it can be cited as stare decisis!

You know, it wasn't that long ago that Orange County "justice" was meted out a tad differently.

In 1911, famed silent-film star Bebe Daniels (you 'member her, right?) was clocked doing in excess of 56 mph on U.S. Rte. 101 in her Marmon (you 'member that car, don't ya'?).  Showing contempt for the proceedings, she was sentenced to 10 days in jail.  Had she not referred to our system as small town justice, or had she not sung "The Judge Cox Blues" (in honor of the trial judge) at a local gathering, or had her most recent film not been entitled, "She Couldn't Help It".

Taken by her celebrity, she did "hard time" in a comfy bedroom, surrounded by suitcases, hatboxes, and phonograph records (150 of 'em) compliments of local merchants and fans. She even had a local orchestra serenade her each night of her incarceration, and she was visited by no less than 792 persons, including a flower-wielding Judge Cox.

Did this ruin her career?  Hardly!  her next film, "The Speed Girl", was boffo!

Parenthetically, I have often cited this instance as a means of getting my clients the same treatment, but (you guessed it) to no avail.

No Kissing - at least not in Texas.

A U.S. Court of Appeal has declared as unconstitutional a Texas statute that was used to prosecute a same-sex couple from "kissing" in the privacy of their own residence.

The statute relied upon prohibited "anyone" from kissing "another" (presumably even a wife, child, etc.) "...for more than one second."

Now, if we could only change the death penalty for horse stealing.

In a ruling that defies logic, the 9th Cir. Court of Appeals has upheld an inmate's right to reproduce.  Yup, irrespective of the lifer's ever seeing or being able to support his child, he is now permitted to mail his sperm in order to artificially inseminate his wife (in California, prisoners serving a life term are not entitled to conjugal visits).

One can only hope that the Justices will contribute heavily to the emotional and financial support necessary to raise this semi-orphan!

Soooo..., is this a penal issue or a penile issue???

In an attempt to more readily identify victims of domestic abuse, San Francisco D.A. Terence Hallinan will be enlisting the "services" of hairdressers.  If he has his way, hairdressers in the county will be looking for telltale signs, e.g. bruising, scarring, etc.